Saturday, 9 February 2008

Taking control part 2

Well, another night of waking early so here I am at 5.30am!

I know you're supposed to take baby-steps when making a plan of action to do something, but I need to do many things at once in order to get to my goal, so perhaps putting them in writing will keep me more motivated.

Apart from my idea to try acupuncture, the nutritionist did give me a bit of advice about how to deal with my low adrenal function. She did say that I shouldn't do anything too strenuous in the way of exercise, in order not to drain the adrenals even more, and suggested yoga or tai chi. I mentioned this to K and he thought we had a tai chi video somewhere. I can't remember buying one, let alone watching it, but he found it last night. Unfortunately, when we hooked up the video player it appeared to be dead. We tried another video, which would not play and it got stuck inside the machine. It hasn't been used for some time, as we bought DVD recorder some time ago. This also had problems a while ago, but we then had Sky+ satellite installed, so we don't need either any more, as this records straight onto a hard drive in the satellite receiver box. We do have a spare DVD player, and I think the recorder still plays even though it no longer records, so I might look for a DVD this week.

With regard to external triggers, I've stopped looking at lorry number plates, just in case one of them is Polish registered. Of course, consciously NOT looking still causes some emotions, but eventually it will be second-nature and it won't act as a reminder trigger.

There are some issues that I'm not sure how to solve at the moment. Such as why some songs bring negative thoughts into my mind. And sometimes, bringing my overactive imagination into play again, I imagine scenarios where I could have done something different about this. I imagine back to when I found the text messages and see myself being more in control and not being a doormat. I look back to certain incidents throughout the time they were still in contact, before d-day, and I imagine a totally different outcome where I am able to stop things progressing; and that if I'd known about Marriage Builders back then I would have been able to do this or that, as they suggest.

I know all this is just rehashing the affair over and over again, to no real purpose, but I really hate it when things overtake me. I need some mind changing tactics, but I will work on that. I don't think this is causing me too much grief, and I think the other things, especially the health issues, are more important at the moment. Once they are sorted perhaps this latter issue will fall into place.

Anyway, we're off out today, so I'll go and wake K with a cup of tea and catch up with you later.

D, checking out at 06.20.


akakarma said...

Hugs,Survived. Each time they go around, kind of like brightly colored clothes in the wash, the memories are a little more faded!

Meg said...

Exactly...and as time goes on, you forget the bad stuff and begin to smile at happy memories. that's when you know you're well on your way to a new life.

Good luck sweetie!